


Jump Into The Fog

by EzraTheBlue



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Anal Sex, Comfort Sex, Community: yuletide_smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 18:06:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9336551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EzraTheBlue/pseuds/EzraTheBlue
Summary: Gojyo wants Hakkai and Sanzo wants Goku, but since neither of them can have what he wants, they take what they need from each other.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thooluu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thooluu/gifts).



> The prompt was: "Sanzo and Gojyo are both afraid of intimacy with Goku and Hakkai and are avoiding it. They fall into satisfying their more carnal urges with one another. They understand that it's not what either truly wants, but they can make each other feel good and forget their inner turmoil and uncertainty for a while. More hurt/comfort, not grudge sex." Also, Sanzo bottoms.
> 
> The title for this story came from the song "Jump Into The Fog" by The Wombats. I started the story thinking about the song, but the story took its own path and eventually had almost nothing to do with it. But I still liked the title.
> 
> This story came out way more angsty than I originally intended, as the requester said they didn't want "excessive angst," but I think I toed the line. 
> 
> Very special thanks to Whymzycal for beta-reading three of my stories in a two week timespan. I owe her much.

Gojyo could see him, see what was coming clearly. He'd gotten used to it, but that didn't make it any less weird. Sanzo was staying at the bar longer than he usually did, up long past the old man's bedtime, sipping on a straight whiskey. Gojyo had kept watch on him from the card table, not quite caring about calling each bluff or the winnings, as Sanzo whiled away his night, sinking further and further into the drink. The stillness of the night was broken only by the occasional clink of glasses and the low rumble of conversation, and though Gojyo tried to ignore Sanzo under the routine of the evening, he couldn't. Especially not when Goku approached Sanzo, his strident voice catching in Gojyo's ear:  
  
“Hey, you still up?” Goku yawned, but Sanzo didn't turn in his stool. “It's awful late for ya, Sanzo. You wanna come to bed?” Gojyo saw Sanzo's lip curl, a flash of teeth, but didn't hear his muttered reply. From Goku's crestfallen expression, it wasn't nice. “Well...” Goku stuffed his hands in his back pockets. “If that's how you feel, I'ma just go.”  
  
This time, Gojyo did hear what Sanzo said: “If you're going to pout, room with Hakkai. I don't want to see you until morning.”   
  
Goku stuck his tongue out at Sanzo and stormed off, and Gojyo grimaced. Before he could cross the room to demand a straight explanation from the bitchy blond, a thin hand landed on Gojyo's shoulder.  
  
“It seems you've been evicted.” Gojyo didn't have to turn to know Hakkai was smiling mildly at him, but he faced him anyway, always happy for a friendly face. Hakkai had his book folded under his arm, and Hakuryuu was already asleep on his shoulder. “Sanzo's been a bit foul-tempered of late. If you'd prefer, you can stay on our floor.” Hakkai rubbed Hakuryuu's chin with his finger, his eyes dancing with playful light as he held Gojyo's gaze. “It'll be like a sleepover, or when we all had to share rooms after Sanzo separated from us.”  
  
Gojyo heard the other guys at the card table guffawing behind him and felt heat in his throat. “Yeah, nah. All we're gonna do in that damn room is sleep. You give Goku a night off of tending to his Royal Pain-in-the-Ass-ness.”  
  
“Hm.” Hakkai's lips twitched, but his smile remained in place. “If you're certain. See you in the morning.” He rested a palm on Gojyo's shoulder for a second, squeezed, then turned and walked away. Gojyo grunted and turned back to the cards and the snickering workmen Gojyo had been playing with.  
  
“Stuff it. I'm folding.” He gathered his cash and threw his cards into the center of the table, shoving the money into his jacket and hunching his shoulders up to his ears. He would have hung around and given them shit for laughing at him, but truth be told, it wasn't the laughing that was grating on his nerves. That was part of it, but not the core of it.  
  
He was really just annoyed that whenever his best friend touched him, a cold sweat broke out on his forehead and fire lashed through his belly, and there was nothing he could do about it.   
  
Sanzo hadn't moved from the barstool, tracing the rim of his empty glass with his finger, even when Gojyo squared himself behind him and crossed his arms. “Asshole. It's late and you're gonna be bitching at us to get the lead out at seven in the morning. It's time to go to bed.”  
  
Sanzo glanced around, craning his neck back without shifting his shoulders, then snorted. “If that's how you pick up women, it's no wonder you always strike out.”  
  
“At least I'm taking a swing.” Gojyo set his hands on his hips. “But hey, some of us are better at shooting off than close combat.” He grinned and leaned over, resting his elbow on the bar and smirking right into Sanzo's face, a hand still cocked on his hip and an eyebrow raised. “Tell ya what, you really need to shoot one off, you come talk to me.”  
  
The pistol was under Gojyo's chin in an instant. Sanzo was finally looking him straight on, upper lip curled in a sneer, showing off his teeth like a dog about to bite. “Are you asking for a bullet to the brain?”  
  
“Only if you're shooting blanks.” Gojyo felt his lower eyelid twitch a little at the threat, but smiled through it. “Just gimme the room key.”  
  
Sanzo slapped the key against his chest. The gun didn't falter for a second. “Then go.” He then hooked Gojyo's collar with his finger and jerked him forward, forcing him off balance and making him drop the key, to whisper: “And don't go to sleep yet.”  
  
He let Gojyo go, and Gojyo staggered back before catching his balance. He set himself straight, and Sanzo righted himself on the stool again. He wasn't looking at Gojyo anymore, but Gojyo had gotten the message. It was the same message Sanzo had been giving him on nights like this, caused by the same irritant like a grain of sand in the maw of an oyster.  
  
Too many days back to back in the car with Goku in his ear. He could relate. If, every time Goku spoke, Sanzo felt the way Gojyo felt every time Hakkai smiled, laughed, looked at him, he knew exactly how raw Sanzo's nerves were.  
  
Gojyo had just finished washing his face and brushing his teeth when he heard the room door open and shut loudly. He didn't smell alcohol, so Sanzo couldn't have been too drunk. The drinking, the sulking, it was either an act or a list of symptoms. He sighed and rolled his shoulders back, then yanked his shirt off. “Gimme like ten seconds.”   
  
“Hurry the fuck up.” He could hear Sanzo disrobing, tossing his boots at the wall, rolling the sutra up, dropping his robe, unzipping and tossing his denims, and Gojyo glanced back with a grimace.  
  
“You know, I could do that for ya.” Sanzo didn't answer, and Gojyo tossed a little more water on his face, half-watching Sanzo from the corner of his eye in the bathroom mirror. “Let me run my fingers down your chest a little, get you a little hot and bothered. It'll be better for both of us if you let me warm you up first.”  
  
“This from the man who boasts about how hot he is.” Out of nowhere, Sanzo wound his fist into Gojyo's hair and yanked, pulling his neck back, and Gojyo gasped as Sanzo fastened his mouth on his neck. He groaned as Sanzo bit down and sucked, and immediately knew just what kind of mood Sanzo was in. Sanzo was going to want him hard, fast, and a little rough. That was fine for Gojyo, even if it wasn't quite what he wanted. He still had to catch his breath when Sanzo released his neck, and Gojyo opened his eyes to see Sanzo standing behind him, stripped to his pale skin, and a red welt rising at the crook of his neck and shoulder. “Your skin is cold.” Sanzo bent his head in and licked at the hickey, and Gojyo shivered and pivoted to face him.  
  
“You're going for the wrong spot.” He craned his neck down and kissed Sanzo on the lips, gentle to start, a few pecks, and though Sanzo kept his mouth sealed at first, Gojyo knew it was just a matter of patience. He wrapped his arms around him and squeezed, then slid his tongue across the line of Sanzo's lips. A few gentle brushes, and Sanzo finally opened his mouth and entreated entry, letting Gojyo tease Sanzo's tongue and trace the roof of his mouth. Then, without unsealing his mouth from Sanzo's, still kissing and sucking at his lips and tongue, he stepped towards Sanzo. Sanzo took a stumbling step back. He took another step forward, and Sanzo had to step back. He kissed Sanzo all the way back to the bed, only stopping when Sanzo backed into the mattress and his knees buckled. Gojyo caught him around the waist before he could fall and eased him down instead, kissing from his lips down to his chin and neck. Sanzo panted, looking a little dizzy and a little vulnerable, and Gojyo, bent at the waist, spoke into his sternum with a smirk coloring his words, “This mouth of mine's pretty damn hot, wouldn't you say?”  
  
“Put it to use and prove it. Give it to me or get off.” Sanzo wiped his mouth and planted his hands on the bed. Gojyo tipped his face up and studied Sanzo for a moment, shaking his head. There was color in Sanzo's cheeks, but Gojyo couldn't tell it if was anger or actual lust. He knew it wasn't that Sanzo wanted him. They didn't really want each other.  
  
“Yeah, as long as I ain't stuffin' my face full of meatbuns, I'm a perfect prize, right?” Gojyo rolled his eyes and straightened his back, then planted a knee between Sanzo's. “We're gonna get off, just give me a second. I like when someone actually lets me be intimate with them before we get intimate.”  
  
“If you want nice, you know what to do.” Sanzo narrowed his eyes. “He'd have you if you'd just fucking ask him, but you're chickenshit, so enjoy your fucking consolation prize.” With that, Sanzo gripped his dick in his hand, and Gojyo just grimaced at him for a second before slowly pulling his shirt off.  
  
Sure, it could be Hakkai's thin chest and stomach for him to run his fingers up and down, and Hakkai might make that funny little gasp the same way Sanzo did when Gojyo touched his nipple. When Gojyo leaned in to kiss Sanzo again, Hakkai might thread his fingers through Gojyo's hair the same way Sanzo did and let Gojyo suck on his tongue, and he might even pull his hair, too. Hakkai would be thinking of blood running over his palms. Sanzo was just keeping Gojyo from getting too close, the little ache reminding him that he could toss him aside at any moment. Gojyo knew what he was doing when he raked his fingernails over Sanzo's ribs, pretending it was someone gentler, someone kinder, and that Sanzo would moan into his mouth and buck his erection against Gojyo's navel and pretend Gojyo was smaller, less experienced, and full of straightforward and simple affection.   
  
It was raw coincidence that Sanzo had come back from the separation and found Goku matured and no longer his ward, complicating both his duty and the feelings he had for him, at the same time Gojyo began to deal with the hard fact that his friendship for Hakkai had gotten too deep and Gojyo had started to wish that their “we” was more than just a friendly uncle to beautiful daughters from an invincible wife. That he was invincible. He wasn't, none of them were, and that was the problem.  
  
“C'mon,” he beckoned, and kissed Sanzo's collarbone. He was finally starting to get hard, and Sanzo seemed to know and spread his legs, hooking one ankle on Gojyo's hip and looping his arms around Gojyo's neck.  
  
“No prep. Just go.”  
  
“Don't be a dick, I ain't touchin' your tight ass unless I can loosen you up a little.” Sanzo grunted and tried to press his hips up against the bulge in Gojyo's jeans, but Gojyo stayed him with a hand on his thigh. “It's better for both of us. Wouldn't he want to make things better for both of you?”  
  
“You have no idea what he wants.” Sanzo glared up at him, and Gojyo, ignoring him, fished the lube from his pants pocket and squeezed some onto his fingers. “He wouldn't know what he was doing. He'd just clumsily bumble along and hopefully get one of us off.”  
  
“Or maybe you'd pin him down and fuck him rough like you're asking me to do. Didn't know you liked it when the guy you're fucking cries.” He touched his fingers to Sanzo's hole and felt the pucker tighten for a second. Sanzo didn't wipe the hateful look from his face, and Gojyo rubbed the thin skin behind Sanzo's balls with his thumb. “Tell me you wouldn't.”  
  
“No,” Sanzo muttered, and Gojyo slid the tip of his index finger into him. Sanzo bit back a soft noise and relaxed. Gojyo worked his finger in and out of Sanzo's passage a few times, feeling Sanzo loosen a little more with each stroke.  
  
“See,” he murmured, and leaned down, his mouth next to Sanzo's ear. “It feels good. He'd be so good to you, just with a little practice.” If you'd just tell him you wanted it, Gojyo wanted to say, but that would lock Sanzo right back up again. Instead, Sanzo merely grunted and squeezed his muscles around Gojyo's fingers.  
  
"Stop talking and get on with it."  
  
Sanzo seemed to want to forget that the one he really wanted wouldn't shut up. Goku would probably alternate between biting his lip in concentration and singing Sanzo's praises. Maybe it was for the best that Sanzo was nothing like Hakkai. It kept Gojyo from closing his eyes and forgetting that it wasn't. Still, even if it wasn't the one Gojyo wanted, there was a little reassurance in knowing someone would have him.  
  
Gojyo pushed another finger into Sanzo, and Sanzo dug his fingernails into Gojyo's back. He was heaving for air with each pass of Gojyo's fingers through him, every breath he drew more and more ragged with each pant. He scrabbled for purchase up Gojyo's sweat-slicked back, scraping the skin and leaving marks Gojyo knew would hurt in the morning, and jawed at air. Gojyo filled his open mouth with another kiss, his tongue exploring for the bitter, sour tang of Marlboro and sake still lingering on Sanzo's teeth. Sanzo was all but trying to bite into the kiss, and Gojyo responded to his aggression in kind – a third finger, all at once. Sanzo moaned into his mouth, and lust pulsed through Gojyo's veins.  
  
"I'm gonna take you now," he whispered, backing off of Sanzo's mouth with a few deep kisses, then shucked his pants and yanked his boxers down his thighs, letting his erection spring free. Sanzo dug his fingernails in even deeper, as if rebelling, as if he didn't want Gojyo's dick, but the flush in his cheeks, the heat in his gaze, they told him the exact opposite. The pain made Gojyo's erection jerk a little anyway; stupid thing, learning to like the way Sanzo treated him. Gojyo just pressed all three of his long fingers in and against Sanzo's prostate, tapping on the nerves in bursts like an SOS. Sanzo just screwed his eyes shut and yelled, a hoarse, helpless noise he wouldn't dare loose unless he had no way to suppress it, and yanked on Gojyo's hair again. Too hard. Gojyo felt his hair break, growled like a wounded bear and pinned Sanzo's shoulder down with his other hand. "If you're trying to hurt me, stop. You need this, damn it. As much as I do."  
  
Sanzo, panting, dared lift an eyelid; his eyes were wet. He let his eyes fall shut again, but dropped his hands to the mattress beside him. "Just give it to me rough. Like you don't know what you're doing. I..." He choked on the next word, but the soft noise he let out was pure capitulation.  
  
Sanzo needed. He just couldn't admit it, not out loud, and not to Gojyo. He sealed it all back, not letting the words fall out carelessly like pearls before swine. Gojyo, though, with his bad habit of picking things up, had gathered enough.  
  
He slicked up his cock and nudged it against Sanzo's perineum again. He traced the curve of Sanzo's taut sac with the tip, then nudged into the tightest ring of muscle. Sanzo spread his legs a little wider, looping his ankles under Gojyo's arms, and lay back as Gojyo pushed himself in. Sanzo was still tight, his face screwed up with pain, then with pleasure as Gojyo sank down into his core. Gojyo's dick pulsed, utterly aching as Sanzo adjusted to Gojyo's length filling him. And then, Gojyo waited.  
  
And waited.  
  
And waited.  
  
“Gojyo?” Sanzo's voice was wobbly and strained, and Gojyo breathed deep and heavy a few times, filling his lungs with the thick air in the room. The heady pleasure was like sinking into a haze, like the smoke off of burning opium, and as he let himself fall headfirst into pleasure, he could forget that this wasn't what he wanted. This was just a pale echo of sunlight through fog.   
  
Gojyo pulled out a little, then set a slow rhythm of deep, hard thrusts. Sanzo grabbed at his thighs, not to dig in, but to have something to steady himself on. Gojyo tried to be rough, tried to push up into him at bad angles, but if he was hurting Sanzo at all, Sanzo wasn't showing it. Instead, Sanzo was laid out and taking it, so overwhelmed that all he could do was gasp and moan and shake as Gojyo fucked him like he was never going to see him again.  
  
Except he knew he was. He knew they'd both get into that Jeep tomorrow, they'd squabble and argue and live on with their other friends at their side, each of them wanting more than they dared ask for and taking what they needed from each other. He would have to look past Sanzo and pretend he hadn't seen him at his most vulnerable, and he'd have to pretend Sanzo didn't know how desperate he was.  
  
“Gojyo,” Sanzo gave another quavering gasp. “Harder.”   
  
Gojyo felt something break in him and drove into Sanzo rough and fast, eliciting a wild groan of abandon. Sanzo's cock was leaking, dripping, and Gojyo knew he wouldn't last long. If Sanzo were someone else, Gojyo would refuse to give him that last push over the line, tease him with the thought of it, trace little swirls and curls on his thigh and make him laugh while keeping their bodies connected for as long as he could. Not tonight. No matter who his lover was, he aimed to please, and Sanzo wanted to get off to slake the need, so Gojyo would give that to him. He wrapped his fingers around Sanzo and stroked hard, timing it with his thrusts: once, twice, and Sanzo came with a wail.   
  
With Sanzo's spend still hot on his belly and hand, Gojyo closed his eyes and pushed in faster and faster. If he let the haze of pleasure take him deep enough, Sanzo's deep panting sounded like someone else, the body no longer mattered, and Gojyo could whisper Hakkai's name as his balls went taut and orgasm washed through his body and soul. His thrusts went erratic as he spilled into Sanzo's body, finishing only when pushed as deep as he could go, and they froze like that for a moment. Gojyo felt Sanzo grip his thighs to hold him there a little longer, letting the illusion of contentment settle over them for as long as either of them could pretend.  
  
Gojyo only pulled out when his knees started to ache, and Sanzo went limp, his knees dropping to the edge of the bed and his legs dangling towards the floor. Gojyo pulled his pants the rest of the way off, cleaned both of them off with his discarded shirt, hit the light, then worked Sanzo to the head of the bed and lay down beside him in the humid gloom. Sanzo put up a flailing resistance as Gojyo gathered him to his chest.  
  
“C'mon, I need this.” Gojyo forcibly wrapped his arms around Sanzo, even as Sanzo jerked his elbows outward to try to break loose. Gojyo only held him tighter. “You need someone to treat you rough. I need to be treated gentle.”  
  
Sanzo resisted, tense from head to toe, until Gojyo ran a hand down the line of his spine and he relented, curling against Gojyo's side. Gojyo wrapped his arms around him and closed his eyes again, then petted Sanzo's hair and dotted his forehead with soft, chaste kisses. From the way Sanzo relaxed into his embrace, maybe he needed a little gentleness, too.  
  
It wasn't just the sex. The sex was good, but he could get that anywhere, easily. Having someone he knew, though, and someone who needed him back just as badly, that was the feeling he wanted.  
  
"He'd have you," Sanzo mumbled into the hollow of his throat, "if you'd just ask. What's got your balls in a goddamn vise?"  
  
Maybe it was the resonant tone in Sanzo's voice, a quality like the shine of a lighthouse beacon, that very nearly sounded like warmth or affection, or maybe it was pity. Maybe Gojyo was just a little raw after a good fuck. Either way, he let the honest answer spill out: "He wouldn't want me. He wants a wife, kids. Do I look like I got childbearing hips to you?" He laughed, and Sanzo snorted and tucked his chin closer to Gojyo's chest. Gojyo ran his fingers through Sanzo's hair, the calluses on his fingers catching a little on the fine strands, and added under his breath, "He wants someone invincible. I think I'll hate myself in the next life if I tell him, then up and die on him. I can't do that to him."  
  
Sanzo snorted again. "You're an idiot." Gojyo grimaced, but he didn't withdraw. Despite the words, Sanzo wasn't being malicious. It was more an affirmation that he understood.  
  
"You're the same kind of idiot." Gojyo stroked Sanzo's hair again. "He'd do anything to make you happy. You know he would."  
  
"Sure. He'd live for me ... and die for me." Sanzo shook his head against Gojyo's shoulder. "There's no use in holding on to something like that when it will inevitably vanish."  
  
Gojyo grimaced at the thought. "I hope you change your mind. Sometimes, I wonder if he ain't gonna change it for you." He petted Sanzo's head again, and Sanzo heaved a little sigh and let his frame collapse completely against Gojyo's. "But I understand." Better than anyone else, he added to himself. He knew when Sanzo was feeling the ache of longing because he was familiar with the same pain. They had opposite problems and no solutions, just consolation.  
  
Maybe, Gojyo thought as he sank into thick, inviting sleep, they deserved each other.


End file.
